My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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