What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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