And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
