Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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