thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you will always have a special place in my vag
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
