dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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