No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
