i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Use "feeling words"
Yay
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
