Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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