and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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