come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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