His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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