my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You ate ashes out of my bong
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
