When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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