I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
