It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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