he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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