you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
