yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
