Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
