so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
