The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
