i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
