this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
