I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
