Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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