Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
