I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
