Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
