P.S. I can't hear my feet
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My vagina just clenched in fear
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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