at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
