just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
