Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
