I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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