I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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