My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
