She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
