is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she peed on how many people?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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