I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
