but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
In other news, I just burned my penis
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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