It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
