don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
