no, he came in my armpit
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
