Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
