they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The convent might be a nice break from real life
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
