im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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