New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
