Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
