All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
