if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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